First of all, I don’t like using technical terms for zits and describing the medical jargon associated with skin care. I like to speak English. If you want me to behave like a professional with professional language, forget about it. I did that in school. I’m in the real world now speaking in real world language. I can give you an example of being proper…”So, I see you have a pustule on your left cheek. Please don’t extract it without using the proper protocol first. If you don’t you will end up with post-inflammatory hyperpigmentation and this could last several months”. Whatever. This is what I’m going to tell you, “You have a white volcano on your cheek. You need to pop that sucker. If you don’t do it the right way, you will end up with The Big Dipper on your face for a few months.” Now, let me teach you the right way to pop a zit.

First of all, ONLY attack the ones that are white…that have come to a “head”. These are ready to explode. The other ones you can attack are blackheads, but only the ones that are ready. Blackheads are ready when you can feel the surface of the blackhead. It may feel rough to the touch. Some are still slightly stuck under the skin. Don’t touch those. They don’t want to play yet. So the first thing you do is take some fine grit sandpaper and lightly go back and forth over the zit. Then, take a dab of bleach and rub it in over the sanded areas. Bahahahahahahahaha!!!! Just kidding. The best time to pop a zit is after you shower, or you can take a really warm towel and lay it on your face for 5-7 minutes. This allows our skin to open the pores and be more pliable. This will make popping easy and you shouldn’t end up with purple dots from squeezing all over your face. Now, take the skin and gently stretch apart the pore. This helps create that doorway for the pus to escape. Next, mound the skin up on either side of the zit like a hill with the pads of your fingers and gently wiggle in an up and down motion to pry out the bugger. It should come out with hardly any effort. If it’s being stubborn, try the mound and wiggle from another direction. Our pores are all different and have different openings. They don’t go straight down into the skin like a tunnel. Some are slanted. Keep working it until you figure out the direction. If you’re not having any success after a few attempts, STOP!!!! The volcano is not ready to erupt. Leave it alone. I know this is hard, people. This is when we start to get violent.

What happens next is the fingernails start participating. And then we squeeze the crap out of it and leave claw marks on our faces. I’ve clawed my own face. Claw marks occur when you’ve had a bad day and you don’t care if you look like you can connect the dots on your face the next day. You just want it out. I will explain what happens when the volcano doesn’t want to erupt yet….

So you start squeezing the crap out of the zit, determined you’re gonna win. It’s starting to get redder and swollen. You look like you punched yourself in the face. What is happening under the skin that you can’t see is a family reunion. The attacked zit gets weak under the skin from claws above the skin and starts to break its pore walls. The infection seeps into the surrounding pores and then they get contaminated. It’s like someone sneezing all over everyone when they have a cold. Now, all the surrounding pores are infected and you end up with a breakout. Voila! Now you have a pizza face. It’s all your fault. I told you how to squeeze properly. You just don’t listen do you?

I know we all perform bathroom surgery. Even I do. I’ve become smarter about it though. Respect your zits. Don’t EVER try and squeeze those painful, hard, red ones!!! Those are cysts and they are angry! They are deep in the skin. They need to be left alone. The body will fight it in time, and it may go away or it may come to the surface. You can cause serious damage to your skin if you attack those. If you have a lot of those, I suggest you see a Dermatologist. Those angry cysts are out of my realm. They need the big guns!!

I hope I’ve helped you learn a new trick. I’m not against popping zits. Just be mindful and careful and all will be good 🙂